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MUST READ: Hey Vagina! You Are A Crime —– By Florence Ozor

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Do you own a Vagina?

Yes?

Verdict: You are a crime.

In the last few weeks, vaginas have come under enormous threats, intimidation, extortion, attack, rape and horrid violations under varying circumstances.

Was your vagina spotted out and about, around 8 pm and later? Did your vagina go clubbing? Was your vagina taking a stroll to get some air? Did your vagina impulsively conceive grocery shopping down the road late in the evening? Was your vagina scantily clad in nothing but thongs? Did your vagina decide to ‘hang out’ with penises and co-vaginas? Does your vagina currently reside in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT)?

If your vagina answered yes to any of the above questions, YOU ARE A CRIME.


Public Service Announcement: these circumstances are subject to change and we reserve the right to review circumstances without prior notice.

PENIS PROTECTION

This is wicked and unfair, these vaginas had penises around, why were they not subjected to the same rule? It is gender-based violence, a discrimination and a violation of the fundamental rights of all vaginas within the territorial boundary of Nigeria.

Oh vagina, I understand your lamentation but I cannot ignore the naivety of it. Your attempt to equate your vagina with a penis will be the end of you. Penis is your master! Yes, there were penises found around loitering, chatting, strolling and even dancing with vaginas, but they have exclusive immunity for the duration of their existence better than those even conferred by the constitution. You do not reserve the same privilege of immunity.

Know this Vagina, know it and understand your place. Penises are not subject to the presumption of criminality accorded to vagina; how could you even imagine such preposterous imagination of equality! All these feminists!

Mind you, Penises do not engage in prostitution and neither does it constitute any moral aberration in our society, vagina!

Vaginas, I cannot continue to enlighten you that the laws, religion, culture and politics of the land favors penises and not you, ordinary vagina, so stay away from the FCT and where unavoidable, stay indoors and prostitute, sorry, socialize there.

YOU PROSTITUTE!

Every woman is a prostitute in Nigeria and this is geographically understated.
Growing up in an African home, when you are called your middle name, it is either as an endearment, a reprimand before an onslaught or a lethal warning, reason being that one can get used to the commonality of a first name and the officious-ness of a surname, the middle name is unfailingly pulled out of the sack, reflective of the gravity of the circumstance with a hint of consequences. Every woman in Nigeria – again, geographically understated – has an unwritten, unspoken and illegitimate middle name – verbalized after the pattern of an African home.

YOU PROSTITUTE!

  • is your middle name or will inevitably be your middle name provided you are burdened by nature with a vagina and like all legitimate use of middle names, it does not matter how highly placed you are or your status, it will be used to remind you who is boss and the insignificance of your existence often in the light of attributing your minute existence to the benevolence of a penis. Unlike your legitimate middle name, this does not carry a toga of class, honor or prestige, it is used to reduce and eliminate any imaginative attempt of a vagina to assume any height of prominence, however low. Please do not push your luck, in challenging the status quo or seeking to insist on your high ground, it is a proven means of soliciting for your middle name. It will be vocalized with a stamp- a confident knowledge of validity and finality accompanied with anger, disdain, violence, dominance, suppression and all manner of genius, subject to the creative imagination of the speaker. Oh! vagina, you may enjoy the privilege of not been called your middle name, do not get accustomed to this, it is short-lived – You Prostitute – will be the summation of you.

VAGINA POLICE!

There is an agency of government, who is not bound by the constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and whose job it has become to apprehend at sight all “loitering vaginas”.

The Abuja Environmental Protection Board (AEPB) whose duty it is to “…. keep owned or occupied tenements clean, neat, keep the grass low and trim, cut and trim flowers; keep drainage running through the tenement free from blockage. Provide adequate dust bin and sanitary convenience; must not dry clothes in front of the balcony or in front of his premises or on hedges or sidewalks, must not keep animals or birds likely to cause nuisance; must not use residential premises for the sale of alcoholic drinks or as a restaurant or for other commercial activity.” but no! they are after vaginas and all vaginas are guilty enabled by time and place.

Over 100 vaginas have been arrested in the last two weeks, some have been charged to court on coerced confessional statements of prostitution charge, some granted N5000 fine, married women with evidence of a wedding band released and some are still in custody all thanks to the Federal Capital Territory Administration, (FCTA) Joint Task Team.

Tales abound of life during apprehension. A certain young petite vagina narrated how taking a stroll to buy noodles at a wrong time and place was the license for her arrest.

The Vagina Police demanded N5000 as fine failure to pay resulted in the violent penetrations of 3 penises into her vagina without condoms and garnished with beating to command compliance. Another young vagina exposed the fear of the Joint Task Force but not the fear of the law – for they are above the law – but a selfish fear of STD’s that these vaginas are potentially carrying so these penises are enclosed in used pure water sachets as a brilliant substitute for condoms, such genius!

Oh please, do not lecture me on the damage incurred those innocent vaginas.

Vaginas are created to be beaten by penises as they deem fit and it does not matter that, in our laws, rape is not a condition for bail or that they forget that if any society desires to regulate an aspect of morality, it makes a law and any such law must be in conformity with the supreme law of the land, but hey! A vagina knows nothing, has no voice and no right in a penis’ world. Penis is the master.

Oh yes, vaginas, run! The Vagina Police cometh and you are a crime.

Florence Ozor
Yet – to – be – Apprehended Vagina.
Twitter: @florenceozor

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BIG STORY

Adron Homes Welcomes New Executive, Emphasizing Commitment To Professional Excellence

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In a strategic move to foster growth and elevate the quality of service delivery, the Management of Adron Homes and Properties is thrilled to announce the appointment of exceptional staff members who have exemplified remarkable professionalism and have significantly contributed to the advancement of the Adron brand. We proudly introduce our newly appointed leaders: Adenike Ajobo as Managing Director, Olubunmi Akinfe as Deputy Managing Director, Ihuoma Azuru as Assistant Managing Director of Sales and Marketing (Lagos Nigeria), Barbie Ette as Assistant Managing Director of Sales and Marketing (Northern Nigeria), Odunola Ogundapo as Assistant Managing Director of Sales and Marketing (Western Nigeria), Olasumbo Oguntoye as Assistant Managing Director of Housing Nigeria, and Haastrup as Director General of Customer Service. Together, they will drive our mission forward and ensure continued excellence at Adron Homes.

Aare Adetola Emmanuel King, the Chairman and Group Managing Director of Adron Homes, has issued an important directive to the newly appointed directors of the company. He emphasized the critical need for quality delivery in all aspects of their work. Aare King highlighted that each director must align their actions and decisions with the overarching vision and mission of the organization. He urged them to remain committed to the company’s goals and to foster a culture of excellence, ensuring that their contributions not only meet but exceed the expectations set forth by Adron Homes.

Adenike Abosede Ajobo stands out as a highly regarded authority in the fields of corporate branding, public relations, business repositioning, and organizational strategy. She holds a degree in Linguistics from the prestigious University of Ibadan and has further enhanced her expertise with an Ordinary National Diploma (OND) in Marketing from The Polytechnic of Ibadan.

Her dedication to professional growth is reflected in her memberships with esteemed organizations, including the National Institute of Marketing of Nigeria (MNIMN), the Nigerian Institute of Public Relations (NIPR), and the Nigeria Institute of Personality Development and Customer Relationship Management (NIPD-CRM-dsgnt). These affiliations illustrate her unwavering commitment to continuous learning and excellence within her industry.

Adenike’s professional journey with Adron Homes commenced in January 2024 when she took on the role of Group Company Secretary. Her exceptional leadership skills and strategic vision quickly propelled her up the ranks, and she soon became the Deputy Managing Director of Southern Nigeria. Her impressive performance has now garnered her a well-deserved promotion to the position of Managing Director at Adron Homes, where she is set to steer the company toward a promising future, leveraging her insights and experience to craft innovative strategies for growth and development.

Akinfe Olubunmi Omolara is an esteemed leader and achiever, recognized for her dedication to maximizing her potential in every role she undertakes. She is a graduate of Obafemi Awolowo University, lle-Ife, Osun State, with a Bachelor of Science degree in Microbiology. Her career journey at Adron Homes and Properties, reflects her remarkable growth and commitment to excellence. She has progressed through a range of pivotal roles, from Deputy Group Sales Manager, District Sales Manager, and Deputy District Sales Manager to Deputy Group Customer Relations Officer, Regional Chief Operating Officer, and Chief Operating Officer. Her leadership and strategic acumen continued to shine through her promotions as the Director of Sales and Marketer and later promoted as the Director General of Sales and Marketing. She has now been promoted to the position of Deputy Managing Director , where she will drive growth and operational efficiency for Adron Homes.

Ihuoma Udodirim Azuru’s journey is a testament to exceptional leadership and dedication. Her academic prowess shines through with a B.Sc in Accounting, M.Sc in Business Management, MBA in Human Resources and currently studying Law at the Leadership City University, underscoring her commitment to ongoing personal and professional development. Her career with the company began as Group Head Admin and HR, where she showcased her adaptive leadership style. Subsequently, she transitioned to the role of Director of Sales and Marketing (Southwest). Moreover, she was promoted to the prestigious role of Director General for Sales and Marketing at Adron Homes. Her exceptional leadership, dedication, and strategic vision within the organization leads to her appointment as the Assistant Managing Director Lagos Nigeria.

Odunola Ogundapo is a highly regarded sales and marketing professional, celebrated for her steadfast dedication and strategic insight, which have contributed to her impressive track record of success in the industry. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Geology from Olabisi Onabanjo University, where she developed a strong foundational knowledge of earth sciences. Further enhancing her expertise, she earned a Master’s degree in Sedimentary and Petroleum Geology from the prestigious University of Lagos, a program renowned for its rigorous approach and focus on the energy sector. This combination of academic credentials allows Odunola to meld deep scientific understanding with strategic business acumen, enabling her to deliver exceptional results in her professional endeavors.

Odunola embarked on her career in 2017 at Adron Homes and Properties Ltd, starting as a Business Executive. In this role, she quickly demonstrated her innate talents and passion for sales and marketing, employing a goal-driven approach that not only set her apart but also paved the way for her rapid advancement within the company. Her commitment to excellence and her ability to forge strong relationships with clients and stakeholders led to her recognition as a rising star in the organization.

Currently serving as the Assistant Managing Director, Odunola plays a pivotal role in shaping and executing innovative strategies aimed at driving growth and enhancing the company’s market position. Her forward-thinking mindset and comprehensive understanding of market dynamics allow her to identify and seize new opportunities effectively. Under her leadership, the team is not only motivated but also encouraged to think creatively and push boundaries, resulting in increased productivity and morale.

Odunola’s leadership style is characterized by a unique blend of optimism and resilience, which fosters a collaborative and inclusive work environment. She prioritizes the development of her team members, nurturing their potential and empowering them to become future leaders in the organization. This commitment to mentorship and professional growth among her staff has created a culture of excellence that thrives on teamwork and innovation, ensuring that everyone is aligned with the company’s vision and goals. Through her unwavering dedication to her work and her ability to inspire those around her, Odunola Ogundapo continues to make a significant impact in the sales and marketing realm.

Aminat Olaniyan Haastrup is an inspirational customer service specialist, deeply committed to creating exceptional service experiences. With a strong educational background in Estate Management and Customer Experience, she earned her degree from Yaba College of Technology. An Associate Member of The Association of Business Practitioners (ABP) in the UK and a fellow of the Chartered Institute of Customer Relationship Management, Aminat’s journey began as the Director of Customer Services. Renowned for her dedication to customer-centric strategies, she passionately pursues unparalleled service excellence. Through transformative initiatives across the company’s customer relations landscape, Aminat has inspired those around her and achieved her new role as the Director General of Customer Service.

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BIG STORY

EFCC Probes Viral Video Of Chinese Allegedly Tearing Naira Note

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The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has confirmed it is investigating an incident involving a Chinese national who tore Naira notes in Lagos.

EFCC spokesperson, Dele Oyewale, provided confirmation of this development to our correspondent on Friday.

Reports indicate that the incident took place at a Chinese-owned company along the Lekki-Epe Expressway, when Lagos State Government officials arrived to seal the premises over alleged regulatory violations.

A viral video captured the Chinese national resisting the officials’ attempts to shut down the company. During the confrontation, he pulled Naira notes from his bag and tore them, igniting widespread outrage on social media.

At the scene, some individuals believed to be Nigerian workers at the company appeared to shield the man from being apprehended by the Lagos State officials.

The incident has sparked significant reactions, with many Nigerians calling for the immediate arrest of the individual involved.

Social media users have expressed their anger, urging the authorities to take swift action.

Controversial social media influencer Daniel Regha posted on his X (formerly Twitter) account, “The EFCC should arrest this man and charge him to court for committing a punishable offense. However, my concern is how selectively justice is applied in Nigeria. If this were a high-ranking politician or their associates, the case would likely go nowhere.”

Another user, @Qladele, wrote, “The Chinese man who disrespected Nigerian currency should be arrested. The company involved should also be permanently shut down. Disrespecting your host country should have consequences. Those who obstructed justice should also face the law.”

Similarly, @Dele93748586 shared a similar sentiment, stating, “The person who insulted the Nigerian currency should be arrested, and the location sealed permanently. There must be consequences for this disrespect, and the security personnel who hindered justice should be detained.”

“Imagine if a Nigerian went to China and tore the Chinese Yuan after the Chinese government sealed his business. This is a huge blow to Nigeria. Even though I don’t support the Tinubu-led government, this is an insult to our country and government!” said @PureStanley1.

Another user, @OyinAtiBode, remarked, “Those protecting this man should face consequences, and the disrespectful foreigner should be severely punished—arrested, jailed, deported, and permanently banned from returning to Nigeria.”

Legal practitioner Tolu Babaleye, speaking (with Saturday Punch), stated that the Chinese national should be subjected to Nigerian law, as long as he was not a diplomat.

“He can be arrested, tried, and if convicted, sentenced for mutilating Naira notes, as this is an offense under Nigerian law,” Babaleye said.

Asked if the EFCC had taken action on the matter, Oyewale, the spokesperson for the commission, responded in a message (to Saturday Punch), saying, “The EFCC is looking into the issue, please.”

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BIG STORY

BON Awards Release Line-Up Of Activities Ahead Of November 24

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  • Kwara First Lady To Join Segun Arinze, Wole Ojo Others For Book-Reading

As the Nigerian film industry gets set for the annual pan-Nigerian Best of Nollywood (BON) Awards, scheduled to be held on Sunday, November 24, at the Sugar Factory in Ilorin, Kwara State, the organisers of the travelling awards have released a line-up of activities, alongside other highlights of the 16th edition.

This year’s event is shaping up to be an unforgettable experience, featuring a variety of engaging activities, including a book reading session and the unveiling of new award categories.

A key highlight of the pre-award festivities will be the welcome party scheduled for Saturday, November 23rd in Ilorin. This will be followed by the Book of the Year reading on the morning of November 24, showcasing “Do As You Are Told, Bani” by the acclaimed author Lola Shoneyin.

Esteemed personalities, including the First Lady of Kwara State and well-known Nollywood actors like Segun Arinze, Wole Ojo, Kemi Adekomi, Cynthia Clarke, and Chioma Okafor, will participate in the reading. This session aims to inspire and engage the youths, specifically a select number of school children from Ilorin, Kwara State.

Also, the 2024 BON Awards has been revealed that four of its major award categories have been endowed by notable figures and organisations. The endowed categories include:

Best Indigenous Movie – Endowed by Oba Saheed Eleguishi, a distinguished traditional ruler and arts patron. Best Use of Food – Endowed by Abundish Limited, an agricultural product wholesaler cum grocery market in Lekki, Lagos.

The Best Actress category is also endowed by the Deputy Speaker of the Lagos House of Assembly, Hon. Moji Ojora, a well-known philanthropist and public servant dedicated to women’s empowerment. While the movie with the Best Social Message is endowed by Hon. Toke Benson, the Lagos Commissioner for Tourism, Arts and Culture, and a prominent advocate for social issues.

According to the founder of the Best of Nollywood Awards, these new endowments promise to enhance the awards’ prestige by taking it to the next level and also offer greater recognition for excellence in these fields.

As the seven-day countdown to the 2024 BON Awards begins, and the excitement is building, Feranmi Olaoye, the Executive Director of the awards has promised that this year is not just another gala night but a getaway weekend for hardworking Nollywood practitioners, and others within the Nollywood community.

With the awards’ unique blend of celebrity-filled events and meaningful high-impact initiatives, this year’s ceremony is poised to leave a significant mark on the entertainment industry and the wider Nigerian cultural scene.

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