The statistics of failed marriages in Nigeria and the world is on a drastic rise, and one fears that in the near future, marriage will be nothing of value anymore.
Taking a deep look into the causes of failed marriages in the world, one finds five major reasons that cuts through cultures, traditions, religions and levels of education.
Below are those five major reasons.
1. Fake courtship
One of the greatest problem faced in marriage is not continuing those things that were done during courtship. Many become very boring the moment they get married, this turns their spouse off and next thing they want out. If you lives a fake life which you cannot continue after your marriage, you can be sure that your marriage will definitely come crashing. What happened to the exchange of songs, what happened to the perfectly timed calls just to know how the other person is doing?
The world is filled with many ‘isms’ that tend to make us lose the true essence of being human. These ideologies when brought to the home makes it a place of debates as there will always be clash of egos. Both men and women want to be worshipped in their marriages, no one wants to be looked down upon. However, demanding respect is not the same as commanding respect and that one is humble in a relationship does not in any way make them fools. The fight for equality is also a contributing factor, so we have discussions like there is no head of the family anymore, what we have is a partnership and that too do not seem to work out as most couple do not get to find a perfect sharing formula and that leads to a disaster.
By the time some people get married, they seem to run out of ideas as to what can be discussed and what to chat about. For some it goes worse, they ask only questions and believe somehow that that is communicating, you see the problem with this is that people get turned off by too many questions, so before you know it, one spouse would rather not talk, because he or she wants communication and not interrogation.
As the stats for failed marriages is on the increase, one notices that the stats for domestic abuse also increases. So many marriages have gone beyond repair because of domestic abuse. This could be verbal or physical. It’ funny how some people are too quick to use swear/curse words on their spouses, even if it’s a joke. For some it is part of being friends but that’s the problem because even as friends such words don’t work. So one realises that in most cases when these verbal missives which were intended jokes go out, they send negative vibes and before you know it, things get really physical. Those who really love their wives/husbands will not throw negative words their way, neither will they think that fighting is a way to resolve issues. If we can watch the way we talk to our spouses, then maybe we can reduce the chances of a divorce by 50 percent.
5. Social Media Influence
The social media has its advantages, however the disadvantages tend to be mor, with bullying and other ills becoming the order of the day. Regardless of what many of us will like to believe, social media has a great influence on how we live our lives and how we handle our marriages. For some people, their marriages are modelled after what they read on social media, but they forget that everyone must study his or her own spouse and fashion out the best way to deal with them as to have a very lovely family. So next thing we know, we are comparing our marriages to that of others, you suddenly want Mr breakfast in bed and many other dreams, what if your husband is not that. We must work with the strengths of the ones we love and correct their weaknesses in love. Some may change and others may never change as it has become their way of life. It is in coming to this understanding that we can live peacefully as a family.
Regardless of what the world may say about marriage, it is a wonderful experience, one that should be nurtured and encouraged. If we fail to give it the attention it deserves, then it turns into a nightmare, home become a hell nobody is willing to return to.